2010!

It's 2010.

Mine started with walking in a crowd towards subway station after counting down in Timesquare! Seeing the ball drop for the first time, I wasn't that impressed. But, I got all excited with the crowd shouting and screaming to welcome the new year.

and then...

it's the long weekend. Eating, drinking, staying up late, plus being under the rain for 3 hours during count down. All that add up to coughing and sneezing at home now...

Alright, everyone is writing a new year resolution. Before writing mine, let's flashback to what I set for 2009.

Physical
- build some muscles (I shouldn't have put the 'some', it's really just SOME now)
- dress nicer (I think I do)
- maintain skincare (fail)
- whiten teeth (fail)

(I wonder why did I set such goals for a new year...)


Work
- get ASA if pass my C, otherwise, pass C (Got my ASA)

Personal
- be a better pianist (pass)
- be a better singer (I sing K more often now, gotta be some improvement there)
- read more books (fail)
- do not maintain my single status (fail)

As you can see, I achieved about 50%! Not bad considering I got so lazy last year! So now, for 2010 -

1. Go out more, don't stay home to much!
2. Contradicting with my first goal, but still, study hard and pass exam!
3. Learn a new sport, and be good with it!
4. Try out as many new restaurants as possible in NYC
5. Build more muscles
6. Do something really really crazy, people will say 'are you out of your mind?!!!"
7. Be a better son and big brother
8. and most importantly, happier and healthier than ever

Malaysia

Have been in Malaysia for almost a week now, enjoying it so far, but already feeling like going back to New York. Suddenly, Malaysia feels very strange to me.

• The bathroom is wet all the time (well, maybe just my house);
• I no longer recognize the roads;
• I can't draw a map from my house to INTI (I used to drive for more than a year everyday);
• I don't miss the food after all.
• I feel so out of place facing the rude bus drivers.
• I no longer think KTM is convenient public transportation;

And in fact, I think New York is a better place.

• It's not easy to get lost in the city with numbered streets and avenues, everything in grid (well, I still get lost);
• I get all sorts of food;
• Subway system is really good, although dirty (I start appreciating it now);
• People are generally nice - yes, even in New York where everyone is supposed to be self-centered

But, there are things I can't find in New York.

• Family
• Friends in Malaysia
• Home cooked food which is always delicious - without having to go through all the troubles cooking
• Very nice shopping malls

Too Late...

I have always said this to myself, "damn! too late! I should have done it earlier!"

I have not been very good in grabbing onto chances that I had, and always regret after they are gone. One good example, I had weeks to buy souvenirs for family and friends back in Malaysia, I just thought I still have time, and now I freaking out the last few days.

Yes, that's me. I like to procrastinate; I don't know to act when there's chance, well, and I am afraid to act. Always, when I am ready and have the gut, it's too late. And thinking there is nothing I can do, it's just painful. Well, probably there is something I can do, but I am just afraid of taking an extra step.

I am not a brave man, I must admit. I am afraid of failure. That's why I am only good at my expertise, and a total failure at what I am not good at, or at least what I think I am not good at.

Man, I totally don't know what I am doing right now. My brain tells me, "no! it's wrong", and my heart tells me "go!"... So, I make it as cool as possible, untraceable and unnoticeable, hoping to fulfill both "go!" and "no!". But, I know, not a natural actor as I am, it doesn't work that way. And sometimes makes me wonder, "why do you want to hide it in the first place?"

It's getting worse recently. I have no control over it. It just happens. Things I thought have buried in the deep sea now reappear. I don't know what to do...